shooting my wounded

There’s a guy I have to work with sometimes who doesn’t pull his weight. He’s kind of a princess -- needy, whiny, entitled. I complain (behind his back) every time we’re on a team. And even when we’re not, I’m growing more and more critical of everything he does.

So when I read Ephesians 4:29, I don’t feel very good about myself. That verse says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

I don’t very often try to build this person up, and I know I’m damaging him every time I badmouth him. And I’m not helping the people I talk to either.

Oh, and that part in the verse that says “according to their needs?” This guy has family problems I sure wouldn’t want, health problems and dysfunctional relationships that would drag anyone down. What he really needs is a listening ear and some consideration for how hard his life actually is. What I give him, even though he never knows it, is another kick in the ribs.

Why do I do it? Because I forget two things: That he and I are both broken people trying to get whole again, and that my grateful response to Jesus needs to be that I love his people. I forget because I’m too focused on getting what I want done, and he’s a drag on my efficiency.

But he’s a brother - yes, I’m talking church work, not my day job - and he’s wounded. Instead of shooting him, I should give first aid, at least until a better medic than me comes along.

Here’s the thing: if I didn’t have unwholesome thoughts, then unwholesome words wouldn’t be a problem. I need to fix the way I think. I need to value what God values, and do what Paul admonishes elsewhere: think about good and beautiful things.