blessed?

The Beatitudes are one of those passages that make me feel good at first, and then worse the longer I think about them.

To refresh your memory, here they are, from Matthew 5:3-10:
“‘Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’”

These are the actual words of Jesus, in red if you’re reading a red-letter edition, and they’re reassuring for all of the non-elites in the world. It makes me feel good to think the meek and poor in spirit and those who are mourning, and all these others, have a special blessing from Jesus. It kind of makes up for the hard knocks they get in this life. I want to see myself in this list, as I suspect most Christians do.

But then, as I ponder, I realize that no one who knows me would call me meek. I’m pretty free to assert myself. I consider myself merciful, and a peacemaker, but a co-worker just accused me of being adversarial, and another said I have a reputation for showing a low tolerance for nonsense.

Worst of all, I can think of very few times, and none of them recent, when I was persecuted because of righteousness. Any persecution coming my way has been well-earned by my own actions. And maybe that’s because another of these categories doesn’t apply as well as I’d like it to: do I really hunger and thirst for righteousness? I want it, but hunger and thirst? When I crave food or water, nothing else gets in my way. Nothing gets a higher priority, or more focus or effort. Is that how I am about my righteousness?

I want the blessings described in the Beatitudes. Do I want them enough to be the kind of person who receives them?