control

I think the American church has a problem with gender bias, but it’s not the one everyone is talking about. Oh, we’ve elevated men too high and women not enough, that’s true. But I’m talking about the idea that somehow men are incapable of controlling themselves, and women are irresistible sirens. It’s this idea that when something inappropriate happens men are given the benefit of the doubt, and women are given an extra measure of blame.

Women are in a tough spot in the church. We want them to be as pretty as they can make themselves, with clean, styled hair, and fashionable clothes and make-up. But when they are pretty we men say we just can’t help ourselves, that those temptresses planted evil thoughts in our brains.

That’s a pretty low view of men.

Paul would have said that Christian men are quite a bit better than that. Here’s what he expected, from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

Paul is pretty clear: men can control their bodies and their lusts. They can be holy and honorable. They by nature of the strengths designed into their character and the further strengthening of their spirits by the Spirit are fully able not to take advantage of people they’re attracted to.

And the way they can do that is one of those things that’s understood in a minute but takes a life-time to do: we become sanctified. By living every day as close to God as we can, by looking every minute to the leadership of our Lord Jesus, by listening in everything to the wise counsel of the Holy Spirit, we become more and more godly, more and more like the men we were created to be. We do in fact become more holy.

But here’s the thing, guys: we’re holy enough now to control our thoughts and actions. God has a way out of every temptation. When you give in, it’s because you want to.

So here’s an idea: let’s just knock it off. Our reactions to other people are controlled by us, not them. We’re not a bunch of frat boys, we’re sons of the king and brothers to Jesus. And to all the sisters created in his image. So let’s man up and stop with the excuses.