hard love

In Luke 10:27 Jesus summarizes God’s law (or, if you prefer, Jesus’ commands) this way: “He answered, ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind”; and, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”’

So which is easier? Probably, given our neighbors, loving God, right? God has done so much, and we depend on him so much. Our neighbors? Well . . . .

But with all my heart? As in, there isn’t another thing I love as well, or even close to as well? Or, if I read it literally, the only love I have for other things is really to God for the goodness he shows through them? Is that how I love God? And, on top of that, I can’t really say I love him with my entire soul (too many things in this world look good to me) or strength (most of that goes to life in general) or mind (I’d hate to admit some of the junk I’ve put into my mind).

But those neighbors can be hard to love too, especially if the standard is as much as I love me. I’m not sure I love anything that much. Oh, intellectually I do, and I guess there have been those times when I’ve put myself in harm’s way for someone else. But day in and day out, I’m mostly focused on how events affect me, on whether I’m happy or sad or comfortable. On what I want to eat, what I want to do. I don’t very often, as I walk home from work, think, “I wonder what I can do for someone else tonight?”

Probably I’m just an unusually selfish jerk; I’m sure most Christians don’t have to fight self-centeredness like I do. Most Jesus-followers are probably overflowing with love for God and neighbor. But for me, the struggle is real.

It’s another reason to be grateful for God’s grace in granting us the Holy Spirit. Without that, I’d have no chance at all.