quarrels

Why do we fight with people?

I used to think it was because other people are wrong, and have to be set straight. James disagrees. He says this, in James 4:1-2: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.”

Using a Root Cause Analysis methodology call the Five Whys, James argument breaks down like this:

Why are there fights and quarrels among us? Because we have covetous desires.

Why do we have covetous desires? Because we don’t have the things we want.

Why don’t we have the things we want? Because we don’t ask God.

In this case, it only took three whys to find the root cause of why we fight: because we don’t rely on God for the things we want and need. 

Root cause analysis is a powerful thing because it enables you to fix actual problems instead of putting Band-Aids on symptoms. Without root cause analysis, I think I fight because other people are wrong. I think I have to fight to protect myself. I have to fight to get my share.

With James’ incisive insight into actual cause, I can see that all these reasons are prompted by flawed thinking. The only effective way to get others to see truth is to turn to God, who is the only one who can change hearts. Likewise, I won’t ever feel safe and secure apart from God. And I’ll never think I have enough until I learn to rely on God and his providence. I fight because I don’t turn to God.

If I think it through, all of the fights I can remember I got into because I though I had to take care of something that God has promised to take care of. He called me to speak truth, but he never required me to convince naysayers. He never told me to ensure my own safety by making sure I can defeat other people. He never said that I had to fend for myself. God promised to be my God, to be my fortress, to provide for me, to set everything right in the end. The only thing I have to do as my part of the deal is put my faith in him and live accordingly.

Why do I fight with people? Because I’m trying to live my own way instead of the way God told me to. But that means I don’t really trust that his way will get me what I want. Could it be that I don’t really trust him? Or is it just that I know he doesn’t approve of the things I want?