lost sheep

Rest is a precious commodity for me. Physical rest isn’t that hard to find – I have my share of evenings on the couch. But in my intellectual life, which is dominant for me, I invest a lot of effort in finding ways to slow my thoughts and distract myself. My mind is always wrestling with something, and with some topics that wrestling can easily become brooding. And when it’s time to sleep, or give my focus to the people around me, it can take real effort to let go of those thoughts and take a mental break.

My brain doesn't rest. It wonders and wanders and ponders. It makes connections and then speculates on ramifications. It's omnivorous - it will chew on anything, and assumes an underlying philosophical reason for everything

All my adult life I’ve wondered why I’m that way. I don’t know of anyone else who is. Some people, when you ask what they’re thinking, answer, “Nothing,” and you can tell it’s true. I never know how to answer that question because it would take 10 minutes to explain.

All that leads to an “Aha!” moment I had this morning reading from Jeremiah 50. Verse 6 says this: "My people have been lost sheep; their shepherds have led them astray and caused them to roam on the mountains. They wandered over mountain and hill and forgot their own resting place.”

If there was ever a sentence that describes my brain at bedtime, that last one is it. My thoughts ramble all over the landscape, completely forgetting its bedtime. But that sentence is also an explanation. Maybe my brain is awhirl because I’ve forgotten truly what gives me rest.

It’s likely that if I thought more about God’s promises and less about the world’s problems, I’d find more peace. It’s probable that if I focused more on the cross I’d see less of the evil. I’m sure if I just remember who died for me I’d also remember who lives for me.

It seems like those things would make a big difference. I know from experience that where God is, there is peace and rest. So why don’t my thoughts go there?