fear

As I read through the Bible I look for people to emulate. It’s so easy to be influenced by conventional wisdom or pop culture that I think if I’m not deliberate about seeking out other models, the renewing of my mind that Paul calls me to in Romans will be really slow work.

I suspect the person I’m thinking about today hasn’t often been used as a role model by Christians. It’s Felix, the Roman governor who tried Paul before sending him on to Rome. But Felix gives me a lot to consider in the part of his story that is told in Acts 24:24-25. 

“Several days later Felix came with his wife Drusilla, who was Jewish. He sent for Paul and listened to him as he spoke about faith in Christ Jesus. As Paul talked about righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, ‘That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.’”

Felix was afraid – that’s the thing I’m pondering today. Felix heard about God’s call to righteousness and self-control, and the judgment that will fall on those who don’t obey, and he was afraid.

I wonder if the Christian church is losing that fear. More to the point, I wonder if I am. I’m so used to hearing grace preached, and preaching it myself, that I don’t often consider that Hell is a fact, and that many people I know are bound there. I don’t think about the fact that each of my sins, those things I excuse by calling them bad habits or mistakes or sickness, angers and hurts God so deeply that the only appropriate penalty is my blood. In fact, I can joke about my sin  – “everyone is allowed one vice, right?”

Today I’m trying to remember that, just as there are certain things I would never say or do because they would hurt Dawn, these things I permit myself to do are deeply painful to God.

I realize that the difference between me and Felix is that I put my hope in Jesus, so I have nothing to fear. But it still serves as a reminder of what my fate would have been without the cross. I’m so grateful – help me, Lord, to live out my gratitude.