doubt

Sometimes I doubt. After a lifetime of experiencing God’s faithfulness, sometimes I still wonder if I have it right, if maybe those opposing voices don’t have a point. Sometimes it seems like my faith puts me at odds with too many other people for it to be right.

I think I’m not alone in that. In fact, I was comforted today to read the last chapter of Matthew, chapter 28. Especially verses 16-17: “Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.”

Even the ones who saw Jesus in the flesh, who knew for a fact he had died on the cross, who heard all the testimonies even if they didn’t see all the miracles, even some of those doubted. That’s part of being human.

Here’s my comfort: Jesus knows. He walked my human path and lived my human life. He knows, and in my doubt he has never failed to let himself be known. Each time, he has given me a nudge, or a poke, or a smack upside the head - whatever it took in that moment to get me to see him here with me. Truly, he has never forsaken me, even in my doubt.