disciplined disciple

How are you at saying no to yourself?

That’s always been my basic definition of discipline, that it’s the ability to say no to yourself. To do the things that you should but don’t want to, and to turn away from the things that won’t be good for you or bring you closer to your goals. And for most of my life I’ve considered myself more disciplined than most. 

This morning I’m thinking that I’m not disciplined enough. 

Look at this challenge Jesus gave in Matthew 16:24-27: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.’”

The first thing I notice is this isn’t a choice. It’s not like deciding to join the gym or start a diet. Jesus uses the word “must.” No wiggle room there. And the thing I must do is to deny myself. 

Do I do that? Am I ready to? I have ideas about what I want retirement to look like; am I willing to let them go if God wants something different? I have savings goals each year, but should I be willing to give that money instead? There seem to be two linked questions here: am I working for the future God has called me to or the one I have planned; and, do I really trust that future to God and not my own ability to secure myself?

At it’s most basic, fundamental level, self-denial means not having hopes or dreams or goals of my own, and not holding any resource apart to serve myself. True self-denial would mean I have no wishes except to please Jesus. If I had really denied myself, I’d never argue to have my own way because I wouldn’t have a way other than Jesus’ way.

That’s not me, not right now. But every year I hold less back for myself, and give up more to God. So I may not be a disciplined disciple yet, but I’m more of one than I used to be.