patches

Genesis 28:6-9 “Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, ‘Do not marry a Canaanite woman,’ and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.”

This little vignette, tucked in the middle of the story of Jacob in Genesis 27 and 28, seems to me to capture a poignant reality of my faith life, and I suspect the faith walks of many others.

Esau, in the middle of living his own life, being himself, doing what feels good, making himself happy, YOLO-ing – choose your catch phrase – realizes that his choice of women has offended his dad. Dad controls the estate, so this might be a problem to Esau’s pursuit of self-fulfillment. But Esau has an answer: in addition to his Canaanite wives, he adds another with, hopefully, a better pedigree.

[Sidebar: isn’t it interesting that Jacob turns to that competing clan of Abraham’s offspring, the Ishmaelites, for a better class of wife?]

I immediately see myself in Esau. How often hasn’t that been my answer to some compromise I’ve made with worldly values? While I was in the Guard, I always worked the Sunday of drill weekend but made sure I attended chapel services as well. At times when I’ve separated myself from communal worship for whatever reason, I’ve tried to make it up with prayer or Bible reading. I’m sure there are many other examples of my inclination to put patches on the tears and stains of my disobedience.

Here’s my problem: I so quickly excuse the sins I commit by pointing to the good that I try to do. I’m good at devotions, and reflecting  and writing about what I read in scripture. That doesn’t excuse my badness, but it’s easy for me to think it might.

Esau thought one acceptable wife would compensate for the more numerous unacceptable ones. Is that how I view my behaviors? Do I really believe God will forgive my daily pettiness and mean-spiritedness and snark and fits of anger and self-centeredness because I blog my devotional thoughts and preach every third Sunday?

I don’t think that’s what I believe, but this morning Esau makes me wonder. That’s the great thing about scripture: if you think about what you read, it’s like looking in a mirror.