unwillingness

I often feel like I'm not doing enough. It's the old "I want to serve the Lord fulltime" thing that I think all Christians go through, as if we weren't already. My brother Eric is fulltime in missions and I both admire and envy him.

But sometimes then I imagine God coming to me and saying, "There's this thing you're going to do for me that will completely change your life. It will mess up your relationships, and all your friends are going to think you had a mid-life crisis. And it starts immediately."

Wait, what? No, this isn't a good time. We're building a house, and I have things I need to wrap up at work. Can't it wait until the grandkids grow up?And what about my retirement? I don't have enough put away yet.

The angel came to Mary, the eager young bride-to-be, and said (Luke 1:28), "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." And guess what? You're going to be pregnant, and people will talk about you, and your future husband will want to divorce you. You won't get that precious first year of being a newly-wed that's a part of your culture. You're going to be a mom simultaneously with being a bride. And this baby will grow up and break your heart.

Highly favored, to be chosen by God for his work, especially this great, precious work of nurturing the baby God turned flesh. It wouldn't have looked like a blessing, and at times I'm sure it didn't feel like it - just read the Gospels.

Mary was waiting for the Messiah in a general sense, like all of her people, but she wasn't looking like Simeon and Anna were. She was looking for her wedding day. But she replied, "I'm willing," and her service to all of us is remembered throughout the world every day.

Lord, I'm willing too. Help me in my unwilling-ness.